I am drunk and overflowing with thoughts. The sheer quantity is blinding, and therefore i can no longer perceive any individual qualities of any single one of them. they are a throbbing buzz pulsing to the rhythms of sight and sounds, people and their lives. They a a cavity of dull soft space that blinds me gently without suffocating me completely, yet their weight leads me to cast away all sense of what i am about.Why are they not letting me believe truth when i hear it?
I can longer connect a point to its origin. I can longer discover the root of a feeling.I can longer sustain those engines that creates with passion such wonders and feats of intuition that amazed me as a child. the world has grown so dull and so murky. Are we all seeking to return to a primordial state of prolonged childhoods? Is this a random thought floating in me that just happened to be near the surface?
What is the value of life? is it meant to be anything more than we can make it? ( now I'm slipping into the part where i don't make any sense at all.) What is the world and all its glory if it cannot sustain one individual to gradually open his folded wings into the sun and blast upon the winds its own tiny effect?
Are we walk upon the earth as controlled chaos withheld by your minds chains? Are we to seek a miraculous alignment of stars that synchronizes our beings with a universal existence?
Why has my mind preceded my existence? Why has it and its folly's dominated my God Given eyes? Why has perversion invaded my pure touch? Why does this super complicated multi cellular being,so perfect in its design ultimately create its own dark equilibrium that effectively stops him from "growing"?
Is it our curse to seek answers? Is this a purpose built design flaw that leaves us scurrying to higher powers? Why i can i not simply be. Like right now. Like for a moment. Like a moment ago. Think about the moment. Its gone. But it was whole, and like it i want to be .
1 comment:
You are whole and growing. And for the other bit that caught my interest, what does it matter if you are the only one who notices your wings unfolding and riding with the wind with the sun shining your way? Does it make it make any less significant? You are only as important as you allow yourself to be sometimes, but not all the times :). Very passionately written, and very honest, and not a care for silly mistakes which you usually keep in check - I love the passion in your words, and the honesty. I hope you keep opening yourself and growing for the rest of your life.
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